Negative self-talk

I haven't seen many people talk about this, but there is something pretty major that I struggle with when I am depressed. I have had a little blip on the screen lately that has stressed me out and I blame myself for it. It isn't even something big enough for me to go into it, because believe it or not, I DO keep some things private--even though some may disagree! But in blaming myself, I get mad at myself for struggling and not being perfect, and then comes the negative talk in my head that I have to combat. "I'm stupid." "I'm an idiot." "I always screw things up." These are just some of the things that run through my head when I'm struggling with this. And when I agree with the 'voice' that I hear (that I know is of the devil)...well, it is particularly hard to combat. I start not sleeping, and that makes things worse. Then the stress, on top of this being a hard time of year to engage and teach elementary-age students, brings on pain. It turns into a vicious cycle. The pain brings depression, the depression brings more pain...I think you see where this is going!

So what do I do to combat this? Well, I have to focus a bit on self-care. Sometimes I am secure enough to ask hubby to help, and sometimes I am not. He offered to take me out last night. Often I am so tired that I turn him down when I probably shouldn't. Who doesn't feel better after a date with hubby? I know I do! We don't do it enough! Then today I allowed myself to sleep later than usual. I 'allow' this more in the fall because in addition to teaching and my regular activities, I usually have a ballgame or two to attend...and this Mama gets stressed and into the games! So in order to be functional and at my best the next week, I recoup on Saturday mornings when the house is quiet (read: Robbie isn't here!)

Anyway, I allowed myself to do that today because I haven't slept so well this week. I have had a down day and have done activities that I enjoy and stay in comfy clothes. We have a rare evening when two of the three boys are not home, so Chris offered to take me out again, but I really am cherishing just staying home and chilling. I am enjoying my precious kitties, Ash and Pip, being in the room with me. I am watching college football and cheering for a team I usually don't since my team's season is already over. #GOVOLS
I am going to get to watch shows I like without fighting anyone about it.

And life is getting better. Less negative self talk today, so it is working. Blessed be.

Thanks for reading.