Tuesday, February 21, 2017

My heart hurts

Last night, a senseless thing happened. Because of drugs, an 18 year old child lost his life. And this 18 year old was part of my life: 12 short years ago, he spent every day in my 1st grade classroom. He was one of mine.
I've been torn up since before 7 am, but am only now letting myself process it and my chest literally hurts. I tried to sleep and woke up in a panic. The shooter is still on the run.
I'm just sick. I'm on edge. I want to wake up and find out that it was all a bad dream.
I was hoping that writing would bring some comfort but it hasn't.
Steven wasn't perfect. He was a little stinker but he had his good points. He had a precious little smile and a sparkle in his eyes. He was eager to please. He was a good friend.
I just don't get it. I don't know how to wrap my mind around this poor little boy I knew dying in such a violent way.
Please, if you read this, pray for his family.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Snore Reliever review

I was very pleased to get the opportunity to review the Snore Reliever, and so was my husband! I have been using another product to open my airways, but it is disposable, and not available in the United States. So I used the product sparingly, and honestly reused them, in order to make an order last longer.
That will no longer be necessary with Snore Reliever! This flexible white silicone product is reusable, comfortable, BPA-free, and FDA approved!

The Snore Reliever comes attractively packaged in a small round container. Several sizes were included in order to find the proper fit. This package is small enough to be able to slipped into a pocketbook, tote, or suitcase for ease in travel transport.

Admittedly, this product is not one I'd wear all day, or even one that I will post a pic of me from below using! But, as you can see, it isn't super noticeable!

If you would like to purchase these for yourself, you can purchase them here fo$16.95! Full disclosure: I received these Snore Relievers at a discounted price, but the opinions stated are my own!

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Rust Free Roller Rings Review

I've been gone a while, dear internet, but I'm BAAAAAACK!
I'm dipping my toe back into the pool of reviews. Not sure if I am gonna go in whole hog or not. I have a few reviews lined up to do, and we'll see. I admit I'm a little anxious about it, so let's see how it all goes...

I was delighted to be asked to review the Clipperton Company RollerRings Shower Curtain Rings. This was something that caught my eye because I have been using binder rings to hold my shower curtain up. They aren't that attractive and for sure aren't rust free!

The rings were super easy and attractive stainless steel. Robbie wanted to help me put install them, so here is a token picture of the 5 year old!

It took less than 5 minutes, with Robbie's assistance, to get the shower rings on the curtain. The curtain rolls so much more smoothly on them! I love them!!

Don't they look great?! Go check them out!! #ShowerCurtainRings
I also really appreciate that this product is produced by a small family-owed business in the United States. They have held the patent for RollerRings for the majority of the past two decades and are the original Roller Rings. If you buy from somewhere else, they are an imitator!

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Break my heart for what breaks yours

I feel like I've been hit with a ton of bricks today, and man, do I feel guilty. I'm trying to remember that though I may not be able to change mistakes I've made in the past, I can certainly do better starting today!

I realize that I have slighted one of my beloved children and have not loved him with my whole heart, and maybe even that I have loved him conditionally. It is like the scales have fallen off my eyes and I can see so clearly how I should have been acting instead of how I have. I see and feel how overwhelmingly proud I am of him, and feel the need to tell him RIGHT NOW!! And believe me, I will, just as soon as I get the chance. This kid is overcoming odds, and I've got to tell him how awesome he is!

Just like the 'thing' that has circulated on facebook some--I need to be less concerned with making a good kid than realizing that I already have one!! (or three)

So I just wanted this documented somewhere!
Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes today!!!!

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Blowing dust off this thing....#Empowered

P31 OBS Blog Hop

Haven't posted here in a long while, but for a blog hop, I'll try it again!! :)

This week's word, #Empowered, has helped me so much! I am remembering that with God's help, nothing is impossible. I am remembering that God wants me to come to Him with EVERYTHING, even my struggle with food. And with God's help, I have been #Empowered to commit to run a 5K in October! Some people around me may have doubts, but I can do it!!

I'll confess, I've gained 20 pounds in the last year. It has really bothered me. I haven't been a Skinny Minnie for years, but I had stayed in the same size clothing pretty much since my 10 year old was born. Even through another pregnancy, I didn't gain enough weight to have to change sizes. But I've had some health problems over the past 18 months, and I suspect that one of the medications I am taking has contributed greatly to the weight gain.

I'm trying not to focus on the number, nor the clothing size, but on getting healthy and exercising more, and making better choices about what I eat. My husband has committed to doing the same as well. I started taking modified TaeKwonDo classes back in the spring and even tested for my yellow belt! I had to stop with the classes for a while when the health problems reared their ugly heads again, but I'm back at it! I am #Empowered! I can do this!! I can hopefully test for my orange belt in 3 months, train to run the 5K, and be healthier!! I am #Empowered by the power of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the closer I get to Him, the better life will get!!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Misunderstanding....thank you, Lord!

Won't go into details, but my post was misread and the comment was made concerning what was THOUGHT it was about. Thankful that I tried to be kind and gracious instead of being hateful. But since it did make me think, it isn't a completely bad thing, right?!

Feeling much better about things after reading that and after a wonderful, uplifting worship service led by a dear friend, and a nice leisurely Sunday afternoon nap. God is good.

Thanks, God.

Feeling wounded

And this may not make much sense...but you know what?? I haven't blogged in over 5 months...just not feeling much like a writer anymore.....so there may not be anyone out there who even reads this anymore, and that is okay, because this is for ME. I think it is a combination of things.

I have recently--within the last year--reconnected with some people who 'knew' me when I was in high school, though we weren't close. Honestly, looking back, I think very few people 'knew' me back then, cause I didn't share and put myself out there like I am more apt to do now. I felt it was much more important to keep up appearances and show people what I thought they wanted me to be, and because of that, it was a real blow to everyone--including me--when the depression came to a head and I attempted suicide.

For the record, 23 years ago, on this very day, I was in the very throes of dealing with the aftermath of that attempted suicide. I was hospitalized in Greenleaf, a private psychiatric facility. And I have, within the last hour or so, had, for lack of a better term, flashbacks to that time of being hospitalized. I hate to even use that term, though, because it implies that what I am remembering is unpleasant, and that isn't entirely true. Yeah, there were some hard times there, but in a very real way, I owe the place a huge gratitude, because if I had not learned then and there about my chemical imbalance and propensity toward depression, then I wouldn't be where I am or who I am today.

 Anyway....I was trying to analyze WHY I am feeling so wounded right now. Contact with high school friends is great. NOT saying it isn't. Very blessed to have reaquainted myself with these people, and they are precious to me! The second catlyst?? Not sure that is right, but like I said, I'm writing this for me, so bugger off it it isn't, or keep rolling with me....is that my eldest son visited Chattanooga over the last two days. Some of the places that he visited I haven't been back to since high school, so maybe that has to do with it.

 But if I am really honest with myself, I know exactly where it came from. Someone from that time period that I NEVER hear from left a comment on a post of mine on Facebook, and it shocked me and hurt me, and left me totally questioning myself. And that, frankly, ticks me off. You know what?? There are plenty of things that I read on Facebook that I don't love. If they are things that really disturb me or get on my nerves, I hide them from my news feed. If they really tick me off or are things I just don't want myself associated with, I defriend them. It is that stinkin' simple, folks. I don't go and say hurtful things to them about how no one wants to read what they are posting. That is uncalled for.

 Heaven knows I have to monitor what I put on Facebook due to working with the public and having people from all walks of life and all ages reading what I post. I don't go into political rants. I may like something I agree with politically here and there, but very, very, very rarely do I share it, because I know that I have friends that I respect that are on both sides of the aisle. There are things that make me think that I don't share, but I ponder them. But I keep it pretty personal. If people don't like that, well, so be it.

 I have over 2,000 friends on there. I try to keep up with those that I care about, but I miss things....important things. I was very saddened to realize that I had missed the entire pregnancy of a friend who has struggled with fertility. I was THRILLED to know that she had delivered a precious baby girl, but I lamented cause I could have been celebrating and praising God with her for 9 months!! But did I post something ugly because she didn't contact me personally and let me know?? Heck no!! Not my place, and I am not one of her closest friends. I celebrated with her, and moved on. When I have friends who post things I don't care to see, like them taking multiple pics of themselves in silly poses, do I go on there and ask them who wants to see them?? NOPE. Not my place. And it isn't nice. Why be unkind??

I'm sure I've made plenty of people roll there eyes, but people that care about me and are in a similar place as me respond in kind. It makes me feel as though I am not the only one who goes through whatever I have posted. Since I pretty closely monitor what I share about my life, and try not to whine repeatedly...though may not do a very good job of that, now that this person has so eloquently pointed out...(though there are days like I certainly could) I kind of feel like Facebook is my safe place. I am definitely rethinking that. I feel as though I have been exposed, though I also don't feel as though I have done anything wrong. Very conflicted in my emotions? You bet!!

 I try not to hurt people. Even those I may not care about. I TRY (and fail repeatedly) to be nice to people, even at times that I really don't want to. I feel as though that is how I can be Christ for others. So then it begs me to ask, how come other people don't try to practice that?? Especially those who also profess Christ?? Oh, what a huge can of worms I could open here about how people treat other people who differ from themselves in political, social and religious views....but you know what, I don't wanna!

 Maybe it is my work with small children that makes me want to just tell people to BE NICE. It isn't so hard. Just do it. If you treat people nicely, they treat you the same, or at least they think about their actions, hopefully. It seems pretty simple to me. And if you're going through a rough time or something, then try to consider that before you strike out at someone who is in no way related to what you are feeling. Again, truly not that difficult if you start trying to put it into practice. Just Friday, I had a bit of a panic. My first inclination was to go and ask someone else something about it. But on my way there, I realized that it was MY problem, and if a mistake had been made, it was totally MINE, no one else's. So I turned around and took care of it myself, and it worked itself out. There was no need in me upsetting someone else unnecessarily. And I'm so glad I didn't, cause this person would have probably felt attacked to a point, and it totally wasn't something in their control.

 I thought this person who posted something that was hurtful to me was a friend. Definitely not someone I talk to regularly, but I thought they actually had a tiny bit of care in them for me. And maybe they do. But it came across as judgmental. Maybe I will come back later and say, ooops, all a big misunderstanding. And I will let ya'll--whoever ya'll is--know if that is the case since I have poured my heart out about this here.

 But I needed to get this out. I needed to say that I try to be nice. I fail, I'm sure. I'm human. I am far from perfect, and certainly don't profess to be!! I TRY. I put forth my best effort as much as I can. I don't know how to end this....I still want to cry at the memories that have been dredged up over the past couple of hours, cause that time period in my life hurts. But I'm gonna also try my best to turn these raw and painful feelings and my desire to control them over to the Lord and move on and have a wonderful day with my family. If you read this diatribe, I thank you. Feel free to comment, as long as you don't say no one cares about what I feel. Cause then I might just have to bonk you on the head! ;) Love to any and all who read this.

Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year's Resolution

I hesitate to even say what I want to resolve to do this year, because to some, it may seem selfish. However, I have come to realize that sometimes in order to be the best mommy and wife that I can be, I have to be a little selfish and realize that I have to take care of ME sometimes, too.

I am very proud of my husband and older sons in that they have worked very hard over the past 2 + years, and have worked their way up to the black belt level of Tae Kwon Do. In that time period, I have also completed my Master's Degree, started a new itinerant job that has changed locations each year, had a pregnancy with complications, and given birth to a baby and helped raise him to this point. There have been many nights...normally 2-3 a week...that I have taken care of at least one child by myself so that Chris could be in classes. I do not begrudge him this, but I do believe that it is time for ME to get some ME time as well!

I fight depression and anxiety constantly, and also have fibromyalgia. So taking care of ME helps me to stay healthy and well, and I am therefore able to care for my family and do my best work in my job and Christian witness. If I do not give myself some time away from my work and home life, I find myself becoming more agitated and depressed.

My husband and I started a weight loss regimen this time last year and we have done well on it. Before the holidays, Chris had lost almost 50 pounds, and I had lost 15-20, fluctuating as women often do! So I also want to get back on track and lose the rest of the weight that I have hanging on from birthing children!

Given the above reasons, I am going to work on asking myself,"Is it good for ME?" this year. If it does not contribute to my mental, physical, and spiritual health, I am going to work on cutting it out of my life. That may mean that I have to say no to some things that I used to say yes to, in order to make others happy. I am realizing as I quickly approach my 40s that *I* count, too. I cannot make everyone happy, and I have to live with myself 24 hours a day, whereas these people that I try to make happy are NOT with me all day, every day. If they are unhappy with me, it will pass. If I live in a manner that makes ME unhappy and unhealthy, I have to live with it all the time.

So there it is...2012 will be the year I ask myself,"Is it good for ME?" I will try to do this in a way that is not self-centered, but is done in order to serve my Lord, my family, and my own health and sanity in the best way possible.

I just about asked,"What do you think?!" LOL Yes, I am curious if anyone reading this thinks it makes sense, but first and foremost, I am focusing on the internal peace that I am feeling now that I have actually decided to take care of ME, for a change!! So here is to a new year!! I believe it will be a great one!!