New Year's Resolution

I hesitate to even say what I want to resolve to do this year, because to some, it may seem selfish. However, I have come to realize that sometimes in order to be the best mommy and wife that I can be, I have to be a little selfish and realize that I have to take care of ME sometimes, too.

I am very proud of my husband and older sons in that they have worked very hard over the past 2 + years, and have worked their way up to the black belt level of Tae Kwon Do. In that time period, I have also completed my Master's Degree, started a new itinerant job that has changed locations each year, had a pregnancy with complications, and given birth to a baby and helped raise him to this point. There have been many nights...normally 2-3 a week...that I have taken care of at least one child by myself so that Chris could be in classes. I do not begrudge him this, but I do believe that it is time for ME to get some ME time as well!

I fight depression and anxiety constantly, and also have fibromyalgia. So taking care of ME helps me to stay healthy and well, and I am therefore able to care for my family and do my best work in my job and Christian witness. If I do not give myself some time away from my work and home life, I find myself becoming more agitated and depressed.

My husband and I started a weight loss regimen this time last year and we have done well on it. Before the holidays, Chris had lost almost 50 pounds, and I had lost 15-20, fluctuating as women often do! So I also want to get back on track and lose the rest of the weight that I have hanging on from birthing children!

Given the above reasons, I am going to work on asking myself,"Is it good for ME?" this year. If it does not contribute to my mental, physical, and spiritual health, I am going to work on cutting it out of my life. That may mean that I have to say no to some things that I used to say yes to, in order to make others happy. I am realizing as I quickly approach my 40s that *I* count, too. I cannot make everyone happy, and I have to live with myself 24 hours a day, whereas these people that I try to make happy are NOT with me all day, every day. If they are unhappy with me, it will pass. If I live in a manner that makes ME unhappy and unhealthy, I have to live with it all the time.

So there it is...2012 will be the year I ask myself,"Is it good for ME?" I will try to do this in a way that is not self-centered, but is done in order to serve my Lord, my family, and my own health and sanity in the best way possible.

I just about asked,"What do you think?!" LOL Yes, I am curious if anyone reading this thinks it makes sense, but first and foremost, I am focusing on the internal peace that I am feeling now that I have actually decided to take care of ME, for a change!! So here is to a new year!! I believe it will be a great one!!

Good

We have had a great Christmas! I am really really tired...I think from running and running for several days and getting very little restful sleep on Christmas Eve. I have missed going to Chris' Mamaw's house, though it made yesterday a tad less stressful to not have to run to Nickelsville in the middle of the day, and we got to spend more time with my family. We showed up early AGAIN to a family gathering, which is rare for us, but now we've done it both at Thanksgiving and Christmas! Maybe we're turning over a new leaf! LOL

I am going to try to get back into a blogging groove for the new year. I miss writing, but sometimes my brain is so tired that I just can't think. My fibro flared up last week/week before last, and the brain fog is a big blogging hamper, too, but I need to push through and do it!

We're having a super lazy day today. Everyone but Robbie is still in PJs. He insists on getting dressed, so he has on a Halloween shirt with Goofy on it dressed as Mickey. Robbie's favorite toys so far have been "Mou" related, though he has wanted to watch "Do" (Dora) more lately.

I know this is a random post, but it IS a post, right?! LOL

Bless you if you read this, and many wishes for a wonderful 2012!!!

Peace in the chaos

I originally posted this on my teacher blog, but I thought I'd share it here, too!
Hello, friends! My day started out as one of 'those' days today. We had many activities going on all over the place and I got behind on my schedule. Add to it the fact that my ten year old and I didn't 'jive' this morning, and I was feeling pretty anxious. There were also some things going on that I was, admittedly, a bit resentful about because I was trying to make them about me when they weren't.

Then I had a meeting that I thought was going to be pretty routine this afternoon. I thought I'd basically be along 'for the ride', and say that I am going to start working with the child on some reading-related skills, and basically let the teachers take the lead.

A funny thing happened, though....

I realized that I KNEW the parent from many years ago when I taught her older daughter at another school! I immediately asked about her, and the mother's eyes welled up with tears. Things are not the greatest with my former student, and that is definitely affecting my current student and his home life. It is most likely also affecting his school performance, too.

Since I had a history with the family, I took a much more active role in the meeting than I had planned. We made some suggestions and bounced ideas off each other, and came up with a plan of action. It was a positive meeting even though the subject matter wasn't necessarily positive, if that makes sense!

After the meeting was over, however, I felt a peace that I definitely did NOT feel going into the meeting. I know the Author of that Peace. I knew what He was trying to tell me.

"This is one reason you are here," He was telling my soul. My internal 'eyes' were opened, and my perspective was changed. I was reminded that HE is in control, and that I don't have (or need to have) nearly as many answers as I think I do. It is all good! God's in control!

The stress, frustration, and anxiety I had felt earlier just melted away. I am not in control, nor do I have to be! What a great beginning to a wonderful weekend!!

Photo courtesy http://www.flickr.com/photos/sweetmojo/

Trying day

Once again, I'm very negligent on posting, and once again I apologize! I have been super swamped both at work and at home, and then I got really caught up in reading The Hunger Games series. I was bordering on obsession!! I dreamed about it, I had to pace myself when I got to the last book because I didn't want it to end!! Now I cannot WAIT til the movies come out! If you haven't read them, I highly, highly, highly recommend them. They are not at all what I would normally just pick up on my own, but I'm so glad that I did!

Today, as the title suggests, was not the greatest of all days. It started out well: this week is Homecoming at the high school that one of my elementary schools feeds into, so we are all dressing up each day as part of the celebrations. Today was Nerd Day, and I went all out! See?!



I think I make a pretty good nerd! LOL I started to just dress normally and if kids asked me why I didn't participate today, I was going to answer that I did, I was dressed up as a nerd....but I changed my mind. I was in good spirits, though I was running a tad later than I like. It was very foggy this morning, so I wasn't stressing about getting to work because I knew I didn't need to be hurrying. One of the blessings of my position is knowing I don't have a classroom full of students waiting for me. I do 'hit the ground running' once I get there, but it isn't the exact same kind of pressure.

A couple of cars flashed their bright lights at me when I was going up the road toward my school. That is not too unusual on the curvy road, and I figured that there may be a cop with a radar gun or something that the other drivers were warning about. I passed my brother-in-law's house and soon saw what was going on....a dump truck was sitting sideways in the road, blocking both lanes of traffic. Several cars quickly pulled into driveways on the other side of the road and turned around. I didn't know what to do, because as far as I knew, there was no 'back road' for me to get to work! I saw a co-worker jump out of her car ahead of me, speak to the person in another car ahead of me, and run to the scene. I put on my flashers and went to see who was in the car that the coworker spoke to, and it was our guidance counselor. She said our coworker is a first responder and was seeing if she could help. Soon, she was back....there was nothing she could do to help, because the person who was still in the truck that had collided with the dump truck had no pulse. :(

It didn't hit me right then that someone's life had ended. I quickly drove back to my brother-in-law's house to use his phone and call work to tell them why we were all late, as my cell phone wouldn't get a signal where we were located. He said he'd show me and my coworkers a way that we could get to work, so I hoofed it back up the road to tell them...in my lovely nerd garb!! I wasn't thinking about how lovely I looked at the time, but I'm sure I gave some of the people who saw me pause! HA!

We did get to work within the hour after crossing a one lane gravel road across a ridge. I realized on the way across that ridge that I was gripping my steering wheel with a death grip and was very tense. I stayed shook up all day. I couldn't dial the correct phone number to tell Chris that I was okay in case he heard that there was an accident on the road I travel. I kept messing up and going to the wrong classroom or getting the wrong group of students at the wrong time because I felt like it was so much later in the day than it actually was. I felt shaky and anxious all day. When I realized that I was very anxious and sore from being tense late in the afternoon, I broke down and took a prescription pain reliever for only the second time in over two years. I feel quite a bit better now, but still could cry while typing this.

As I was leaving school, another teacher pointed out a high school student to me. She stood there with tears rolling down her face. Come to find out, her father had just texted her telling her that it was her uncle who had passed away that morning in the accident, and that she needed to ride the bus home. What a way to receive the news....with no one there to comfort her!! So I immediately went and hugged her and said a little prayer in her ear (separation of church and state be damned, I was a HUMAN right then, not a teacher) and told her that I didn't think he had suffered. I told her that I had been praying for her family all day, even though I didn't have names for which to pray. I asked if she needed a way home, and she assured me that she didn't. I left feeling very distraught for her.

Life is so precious, friends. We live a distracted life where we are constantly on the run and in a hurry, and I am just as guilty as anyone of this. I have sped through the curves on that highway many times...more times than I can count. I have felt frustrated when someone was traveling below the speed limit and lamented how I was going to be late. Though I hate that this has happened, I will definitely use it as a reminder of how I need to SLOW DOWN and be present in what I am doing, especially when I am driving. I am carrying precious cargo....my children's mother and my husband's wife, particularly. I don't want to leave them because I was in a hurry or not paying attention to what I was doing. I pray that you will use this reminder to do the same.

May the Lord bless you today!! He is always right on time!!

It's my blog, and I'll whine if I want to....

Oh, mercy, reader! The busy-ness! The stress! I'm one tired mama. Why, then, am I up writing on here before 6 am?

Because my body is not cooperating, and neither is my 17 month old son.

Here's the deal...the shorter version. I'm not sure there is a short version!

I'm a Reading Specialist here in our little county. I'm one of 4 full-time specialists, and one part time. We serve 7 elementary schools, and are focusing particularly on K-2 in these schools. The Commonwealth of Virginia requires each school to give each of the K-2 students a phonics assessment each fall and spring. This is something that is mostly done individually with the students. As you can imagine, this isn't an easy task for a classroom teacher when trying to also teach skills to the rest of the class. I know that first hand, because I was in the classroom for 12 years and had to try to give this individual assessment to one kid while keeping the rest of the students engaged and learning. Not a good situation for the teacher, the child being tested, or the rest of the class. So to remedy this situation and save the learning time for the students, we Reading Specialists were commissioned (not the right word here, I know, but it works...remember, it isn't 6 am yet....)to do the testing for all the schools in the county. Sounds like a good plan, right?

Right!

And it is a good plan! I firmly believe that! I think it has saved the sanity of the classroom teachers and has been one thing off their plates, letting them focus on teaching the students instead of keeping them occupied while assessing one. It has not, however, been easy on the four of us who were testing. Is it worth it? Yes, I am sure it is. Does everyone in the county think so? I'm sure they don't. But I know that I have been doing, to the best of my ability, what I can to ensure that the students in these grades have been being TAUGHT and not occupied. Does that make sense?

Anyway, we've done a good part of it! We got all students in 1st and 2nd grade tested! Hundreds of 'em! Every day, we went into our assigned school and hit the ground running. We would listen to one child read word lists and read stories, and make sure that we had assessed the level at which each was reading according to this assessment. We would take a break for lunch whenever the grade with which we were working took lunch, and then hit it again. No planning period. A bathroom break here or there. But we worked, ya'll. HARD. I promise you that!

It may not sound like this is tiring work, and compared to manual labor, it isn't! However, it does get very mundane. Sitting in one position all day, listening to the same words and sentences being read over and over is very mundane. It is also hard on a body, especially a body that has FIBROMYALGIA! This has sent me into a flare, the worst I've had in at least 2 years.

When you add to this the fact that I have also had two sick children in the midst, you can see where I'm going, maybe. And the fact that one of those children is the 17 month old who doesn't have wonderful sleep patterns anyway, and it becomes even more clear.

I've been fighting aches and pains, and pains and aches, and stress. Stress that people were badmouthing and not understanding how hard we were working. Stress that someone was thinking we weren't doing our job, despite the fact that we were working at what our supervisor thought was most important for us to be doing. Stress of the every day life of being a wife and mother to two school-aged children who have homework. Stress of getting one back and forth to football games and practice, and two sons and a husband back and forth from TaeKwonDo classes. Stress of regular family activities. You get it by now, I'm sure. My body is not happy. It is saying STOP!! And my mind is still running at top speed.

So when Robbie wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to nurse (another subject for another day....) and I really want him to go back to sleep, my body doesn't always work it out for me. I feed him, or he screams, or whatever. That part isn't the point. He eventually goes back to sleep, and I don't. See, insomnia is a part of fibro, too. So the last three nights, when Robbie has woken up, he's gone right back to sleep, but I haven't.

I'm exhausted, and I don't see where the end comes. I don't see where I'm gonna get rest, and I'm trying not to be overwhelmed, but I am. It makes me feel panicky. I know that God is with me and is helping me and if it weren't for Him I cannot IMAGINE the shape I'd be in. But here I am. And I'm tired, and I want sleep. And I can't seem to get it.

So there it is. My whine. If you read it, thanks. Some extra prayers my way would be greatly appreciated.

My alarm just went off. I'm far from thrilled! :) TGIF, right?!

It was a blind date....

I had just broken up with a fella who lived in another state. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I had just started a new job and was all about doing my very best at it! It was the job I had been waiting for, and it was just one town over instead of the hour away I had been traveling for almost 2 years.

You know how they say it comes when you least expect it?

I had been selling Mary Kay on the side, and I had had a party at my friend Laura's house, where she and her Aunt Kim suggested that I go out with their cousin Chris. They had even tried to get me to meet him the month before at a family gathering, but I bowed out at the last minute, because I had moved that day from my cute little apartment to my parents' newly bought ranch house...that was a haven of lovely 70s decor! I was not thrilled with the situation. My brothers-in-law had even offered for me to come and shower at their houses and borrow their wives clothes if I would please go meet this fella!

Actually, we had met before....my mother had been his Kindergarten teacher! But I didn't remember him. :)

Finally we did talk on the phone, and we talked for hours. We set up a date for the next weekend.


...and the rest is history...

The Lord told me while I was sitting across the table from him at Applebee's that I was going to marry him. I ignored it.

By our second date, I came home and told my cat that we were going to marry him!

Less than 2 months later we were engaged, and 9 months after that we were married!

And it all started 14 years ago this month.

On a blind date.

And I wouldn't change a thing! <3


I love you, sweetheart!! So glad I went on that blind date 14 years ago!!

It's that CRAZY time of the year!!

It is crazy for EVERY mother of school-aged students, but when you add both parents who are teachers to the mix, and it gets downright hairy!!

Chris went back to work for part of the week the first week of the month. We sent Robbie back to daycare that week so he could start to get re-adjusted (as could I) and not have the major change the same week as I was having to go back to work full time. That turned out to be a GREAT idea! By last week, daycare was 'old hat' for him, and he would gladly march on in each day! That made it so much easier on me!!

Last week Chris and I both went back full-time. We had county wide meetings Monday through Wednesday and then went to our schools on Thursday and Friday. My niece kept Isaac and Adam the first part of the week, and then they went to work with us each one day on Thursday and Friday.

Then we ALL went back full force this week! I find it really hard to believe that I am the mommy of a fifth grader! Wasn't I just in fifth grade a few weeks ago?! How time flies when you're having fun! Isaac (as you probably figured) is a big fifth grader now, and Adam is a second grader. Adam is excited about going back to school because he gets to go upstairs this year!!! They each are in the classroom with their best buddy, which makes going back to school lots more fun! They seem to be adjusting well!

And in additional news, Robbie is FINALLY sleeping better! He is sleeping in his own bed the majority of the night, which is a H-U-G-E relief to me. I am still not quite used to it! After 16 months of jumping up and getting him when I hear him for all this time, I did it out of habit last night instead of listening and giving him the chance to calm himself back down. Adding a fan in his room for some white noise seems to have done the trick! I'm really wishing I had done that months ago, but hindsight, like always, is 20/20!! We're still not completely there, but there is definite improvement and I feel tons better already!!!!

So there is an update on what is going on here at our house! I'd love some comment love if you happen by here!! :) C'mon, you know you wanna!!