I feel much more at peace tonight. We made it through the first Thanksgiving without August. Her kids were there, and that was very good! It was also fine to be somewhere different than usual....we were still with my beloved family! Funny how worked up we can get over things, and they're firmly in God's grasp and well taken care of before we even begin to worry.
And even though a beloved friend is gone on to Heaven, I have made new friends and have reconnected with ones that I thought were long lost to me. It has been a very interesting year, to say the least, and one in which I've grown in many ways. I am very blessed, far more so than I deserve! I am very grateful to my Heavenly Father for these many blessings, and for many answered prayers.
I hope you feel this peace tonight as well.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving--
I could write so much....
So many blessings, so many things to be thankful for....
Instead, insomnia and anxiety are rocking my world early this morning. I miss August so much, and tomorrow is gonna be hard without her there. She'll be there in spirit, I know, but it will also be like the elephant in the room that no one wants to mention for fear that we'll all break down. And in MY mind it is made even more difficult by it not being held at my sister's house like usual. I'm not sure who made that decision or why, and that really isn't my concern. I just hate that on top of being uncomfortable because we're all missing her, we (at least me) are/am gonna be uncomfortable because it isn't like 'home'. Then I start thinking how selfish I'm being--dwelling on things I cannot control instead of the many things I am being blessed with each day....
ah, hormones and a cold to boot, add to my pitiful saga.
It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to!
I hate being down. I really want to just jump out of my skin and go walk around Wal-Mart or something. I don't even want to be me right this minute. I hate that I don't feel like I can verbalize this to anyone because I don't want to upset anyone else. I hate sitting in the dark crying because a beautiful life was lost to us, though I know she is in Heaven now with her Mawmaw who she loved so much.
So durn it, not a happy lovely life is great and I'm having a baby post today. I'm certainly thankful....in a way that I haven't had to be before, thankful that I, at 36, am just now having to deal with the death of someone I love at such a young age, in such a senseless way. Thankful that I have been lucky enough to NOT wreck my car when I was driving and very upset. Thankful that my boys have their Mama to hug and kiss each day. Thankful that I get to see them grow up one more day. Thankful that I have a husband who I love dearly, who loves me as well, and who I trust more than I trust myself. Thankful that I've always known how loved I am. Thankful for the 'breaks' and opportunities I've had in life. VERY thankful for having known and shared with August. So thankful for that last prayer we had together, and that she followed His leading to come to me that night. THAT I will hold in my heart forever, along with her last hug, and words: "Be careful. I love you."
The words "...and I'll cling to the old rugged cross..." have become more real to me over the past few months. I've been clinging to my Savior more than I ever have before, in a desperation I've never felt before. He is my Solid Rock and my hope when I don't know how I'm gonna put another foot in front of the other. His love lifts me up and fills me up. I'm so very thankful for the relationship I have with Him, more so than anything in this world, for if it wasn't for that....though I love my husband and sons so, so dearly....if it weren't for Jesus holding me up, I couldn't make it. I am powerless on my own.
I do feel better for having gotten all this out. Thank you if you read it, and I am sorry if it brought you down....know that it has helped me to look UP in hope!
So many blessings, so many things to be thankful for....
Instead, insomnia and anxiety are rocking my world early this morning. I miss August so much, and tomorrow is gonna be hard without her there. She'll be there in spirit, I know, but it will also be like the elephant in the room that no one wants to mention for fear that we'll all break down. And in MY mind it is made even more difficult by it not being held at my sister's house like usual. I'm not sure who made that decision or why, and that really isn't my concern. I just hate that on top of being uncomfortable because we're all missing her, we (at least me) are/am gonna be uncomfortable because it isn't like 'home'. Then I start thinking how selfish I'm being--dwelling on things I cannot control instead of the many things I am being blessed with each day....
ah, hormones and a cold to boot, add to my pitiful saga.
It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to!
I hate being down. I really want to just jump out of my skin and go walk around Wal-Mart or something. I don't even want to be me right this minute. I hate that I don't feel like I can verbalize this to anyone because I don't want to upset anyone else. I hate sitting in the dark crying because a beautiful life was lost to us, though I know she is in Heaven now with her Mawmaw who she loved so much.
So durn it, not a happy lovely life is great and I'm having a baby post today. I'm certainly thankful....in a way that I haven't had to be before, thankful that I, at 36, am just now having to deal with the death of someone I love at such a young age, in such a senseless way. Thankful that I have been lucky enough to NOT wreck my car when I was driving and very upset. Thankful that my boys have their Mama to hug and kiss each day. Thankful that I get to see them grow up one more day. Thankful that I have a husband who I love dearly, who loves me as well, and who I trust more than I trust myself. Thankful that I've always known how loved I am. Thankful for the 'breaks' and opportunities I've had in life. VERY thankful for having known and shared with August. So thankful for that last prayer we had together, and that she followed His leading to come to me that night. THAT I will hold in my heart forever, along with her last hug, and words: "Be careful. I love you."
The words "...and I'll cling to the old rugged cross..." have become more real to me over the past few months. I've been clinging to my Savior more than I ever have before, in a desperation I've never felt before. He is my Solid Rock and my hope when I don't know how I'm gonna put another foot in front of the other. His love lifts me up and fills me up. I'm so very thankful for the relationship I have with Him, more so than anything in this world, for if it wasn't for that....though I love my husband and sons so, so dearly....if it weren't for Jesus holding me up, I couldn't make it. I am powerless on my own.
I do feel better for having gotten all this out. Thank you if you read it, and I am sorry if it brought you down....know that it has helped me to look UP in hope!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
A few less words Wednesday: It's a........
Yes, I'm most definitely living in a testosterone zone! I had a feeling that it was, so I had started 'preparing' myself! She said the heartrate (151, by the way) so I really knew then....and I saw a little turtle hanging down before she even pointed it out! Yes, it would have been nice to have a daughter, but I'm thrilled with the thought of another son, too!
We also went to Toys R Us and got most of the boys' Christmas shopping done! AND we had a delicious lunch at Carino's! MMMMMMMMMMM!
As far as how the rest of the appointment went, everything looked GREAT! They didn't see any markers for Down syndrome, Spina Bifida, etc. I feel a TON better after seeing that and knowing that everything looked good. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest!
So...now on to getting to get new baby stuff since I gave pretty much everything away! LOL
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Time for an upity-date!
Hi!! I'm Christi, Remember me?! So sorry that I've been a lame blogger as of late. I really don't mean to be. I just don't have the energy to post!
BUT today I do!
So. How am I doing? I'm doing okay! I'm tired much of the time, but I guess that is to be expected. I don't sleep the best already. I am excited if I sleep more than 2 hours at a stretch before having to get up to pee. That gets old, and I know it has only just begun!
My ankle continues to give me trouble. By the end of the day it is often swollen and itchy under the aircast. I know that in the scheme of things it really isn't that big of a deal, but it is just one more bothersome irritant that I'd rather not have to deal with, ya know?
I'm finally starting to feel some relief from the antidepressants. I remember with Adam that it took about 6 weeks to get them fully back into my system, and I'm right around that point now. I had a minor breakdown the other day and ended up coming home early. It just all got to be too much! I did feel better after just having some lazy me time here by myself. It hasn't been the easiest fall ever, even if I weren't hormonal and pregnant! But God will see me through, I know. The semester is almost coming to an end, and that will be a RELIEF! Though I won't be totally done with one of my classes and the tutoring that is required for a while longer. But that is okay, I can deal!
How is everyone else, you ask? They're fine! Isaac is having a tiny bit of anxiety about the baby....worried that we won't have time to help him with his homework, worried about sharing a room with his brother, etc. He didn't mention it specifically to me, as is often the case when something is on his mind. He knows that Mommy worries, so he goes to Daddy with his concerns. He felt better after I told him that when the baby first gets here, he/she will pretty much eat, sleep, poop, and cry, and that we will still have plenty of time for him. He's growing SO FAST! I can't see the top of his head standing beside him now. I won't be surprised if he passes me up within this year!
Adam is.....well, he's Adam! We had been having some issues with his negativity and whining, but it seems to have resolved itself some with prayer! It gets worse when he is overly tired. We're trying our best to keep both of them from being over scheduled and therefore overly tired. Easier said than done sometimes, as you know!
Chris is fine! His latest project was smoking barbecue for our church's annual barbecue cook off, which was held last night. He didn't win, but he had fun trying! He knows I think his cooking is always the best, hands down! He tried a new white barbecue sauce that I really like! He's such a great husband and Daddy...I have been so blessed by him, and I thank God for him every day! I don't know what I'd do without him! I'm amazed that he puts up with me, and so thankful that he does.
Now that both our dogs have gone on to Doggie Heaven, we've been more lax on letting the cats come in and spend time with us...now that it is chillier and they WANT to spend time indoors! I don't know what I'm gonna do when something happens to my Francie. I have had her since before Chris and I met. She is much more feeble now. I pray that nothing happens to her soon!!
Well, that pretty much covers it for us right now....update me on how YOU'RE doing, and I promise to try to come by and get caught up on your blogs, too!
OH, we have an ultrasound on Wed.! I'll be sure to update then!
BUT today I do!
So. How am I doing? I'm doing okay! I'm tired much of the time, but I guess that is to be expected. I don't sleep the best already. I am excited if I sleep more than 2 hours at a stretch before having to get up to pee. That gets old, and I know it has only just begun!
My ankle continues to give me trouble. By the end of the day it is often swollen and itchy under the aircast. I know that in the scheme of things it really isn't that big of a deal, but it is just one more bothersome irritant that I'd rather not have to deal with, ya know?
I'm finally starting to feel some relief from the antidepressants. I remember with Adam that it took about 6 weeks to get them fully back into my system, and I'm right around that point now. I had a minor breakdown the other day and ended up coming home early. It just all got to be too much! I did feel better after just having some lazy me time here by myself. It hasn't been the easiest fall ever, even if I weren't hormonal and pregnant! But God will see me through, I know. The semester is almost coming to an end, and that will be a RELIEF! Though I won't be totally done with one of my classes and the tutoring that is required for a while longer. But that is okay, I can deal!
How is everyone else, you ask? They're fine! Isaac is having a tiny bit of anxiety about the baby....worried that we won't have time to help him with his homework, worried about sharing a room with his brother, etc. He didn't mention it specifically to me, as is often the case when something is on his mind. He knows that Mommy worries, so he goes to Daddy with his concerns. He felt better after I told him that when the baby first gets here, he/she will pretty much eat, sleep, poop, and cry, and that we will still have plenty of time for him. He's growing SO FAST! I can't see the top of his head standing beside him now. I won't be surprised if he passes me up within this year!
Adam is.....well, he's Adam! We had been having some issues with his negativity and whining, but it seems to have resolved itself some with prayer! It gets worse when he is overly tired. We're trying our best to keep both of them from being over scheduled and therefore overly tired. Easier said than done sometimes, as you know!
Chris is fine! His latest project was smoking barbecue for our church's annual barbecue cook off, which was held last night. He didn't win, but he had fun trying! He knows I think his cooking is always the best, hands down! He tried a new white barbecue sauce that I really like! He's such a great husband and Daddy...I have been so blessed by him, and I thank God for him every day! I don't know what I'd do without him! I'm amazed that he puts up with me, and so thankful that he does.
Now that both our dogs have gone on to Doggie Heaven, we've been more lax on letting the cats come in and spend time with us...now that it is chillier and they WANT to spend time indoors! I don't know what I'm gonna do when something happens to my Francie. I have had her since before Chris and I met. She is much more feeble now. I pray that nothing happens to her soon!!
Well, that pretty much covers it for us right now....update me on how YOU'RE doing, and I promise to try to come by and get caught up on your blogs, too!
OH, we have an ultrasound on Wed.! I'll be sure to update then!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
And the klutz status gets even worse.....
Got a call from the doctor's office yesterday...the wanted me to return their call about my x-ray. Wonderful, I thought. I've been walking around on this foot for a week and something is broken!
I'm not sure if the real news was better or worse.....
The x-ray showed either tendon or ligament damage. Now that would be acceptable if I weren't pregnant! I can't even have an MRI done to see how bad it is until after I have the baby. So I guess that means I treat this ankle very gently for the next 23 weeks and pray I don't hurt it worse! I have been wearing the aircast pretty religiously, though I didn't wear it one night to sleep. I felt it the next morning. So apparently I really need the support it provides. May be wearing this thing til the baby comes, huh?
Has this been ONE MORE fall for me, or what?? Family member dying, flu, dog dying, classes that are HARD, unexpected blessings that do complicate things such as pregnancy does, and now a hurt ankle! I'm just ready to sit back and say What's next, Lord??! I'm not gonna say Enough, because I know He won't give me more than He and I together can handle, but it is getting to be almost comical now! Stay tuned to see what happens next, I suppose!!
I'm not sure if the real news was better or worse.....
The x-ray showed either tendon or ligament damage. Now that would be acceptable if I weren't pregnant! I can't even have an MRI done to see how bad it is until after I have the baby. So I guess that means I treat this ankle very gently for the next 23 weeks and pray I don't hurt it worse! I have been wearing the aircast pretty religiously, though I didn't wear it one night to sleep. I felt it the next morning. So apparently I really need the support it provides. May be wearing this thing til the baby comes, huh?
Has this been ONE MORE fall for me, or what?? Family member dying, flu, dog dying, classes that are HARD, unexpected blessings that do complicate things such as pregnancy does, and now a hurt ankle! I'm just ready to sit back and say What's next, Lord??! I'm not gonna say Enough, because I know He won't give me more than He and I together can handle, but it is getting to be almost comical now! Stay tuned to see what happens next, I suppose!!
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