Friday, September 16, 2011

It's my blog, and I'll whine if I want to....

Oh, mercy, reader! The busy-ness! The stress! I'm one tired mama. Why, then, am I up writing on here before 6 am?

Because my body is not cooperating, and neither is my 17 month old son.

Here's the deal...the shorter version. I'm not sure there is a short version!

I'm a Reading Specialist here in our little county. I'm one of 4 full-time specialists, and one part time. We serve 7 elementary schools, and are focusing particularly on K-2 in these schools. The Commonwealth of Virginia requires each school to give each of the K-2 students a phonics assessment each fall and spring. This is something that is mostly done individually with the students. As you can imagine, this isn't an easy task for a classroom teacher when trying to also teach skills to the rest of the class. I know that first hand, because I was in the classroom for 12 years and had to try to give this individual assessment to one kid while keeping the rest of the students engaged and learning. Not a good situation for the teacher, the child being tested, or the rest of the class. So to remedy this situation and save the learning time for the students, we Reading Specialists were commissioned (not the right word here, I know, but it works...remember, it isn't 6 am yet....)to do the testing for all the schools in the county. Sounds like a good plan, right?


And it is a good plan! I firmly believe that! I think it has saved the sanity of the classroom teachers and has been one thing off their plates, letting them focus on teaching the students instead of keeping them occupied while assessing one. It has not, however, been easy on the four of us who were testing. Is it worth it? Yes, I am sure it is. Does everyone in the county think so? I'm sure they don't. But I know that I have been doing, to the best of my ability, what I can to ensure that the students in these grades have been being TAUGHT and not occupied. Does that make sense?

Anyway, we've done a good part of it! We got all students in 1st and 2nd grade tested! Hundreds of 'em! Every day, we went into our assigned school and hit the ground running. We would listen to one child read word lists and read stories, and make sure that we had assessed the level at which each was reading according to this assessment. We would take a break for lunch whenever the grade with which we were working took lunch, and then hit it again. No planning period. A bathroom break here or there. But we worked, ya'll. HARD. I promise you that!

It may not sound like this is tiring work, and compared to manual labor, it isn't! However, it does get very mundane. Sitting in one position all day, listening to the same words and sentences being read over and over is very mundane. It is also hard on a body, especially a body that has FIBROMYALGIA! This has sent me into a flare, the worst I've had in at least 2 years.

When you add to this the fact that I have also had two sick children in the midst, you can see where I'm going, maybe. And the fact that one of those children is the 17 month old who doesn't have wonderful sleep patterns anyway, and it becomes even more clear.

I've been fighting aches and pains, and pains and aches, and stress. Stress that people were badmouthing and not understanding how hard we were working. Stress that someone was thinking we weren't doing our job, despite the fact that we were working at what our supervisor thought was most important for us to be doing. Stress of the every day life of being a wife and mother to two school-aged children who have homework. Stress of getting one back and forth to football games and practice, and two sons and a husband back and forth from TaeKwonDo classes. Stress of regular family activities. You get it by now, I'm sure. My body is not happy. It is saying STOP!! And my mind is still running at top speed.

So when Robbie wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to nurse (another subject for another day....) and I really want him to go back to sleep, my body doesn't always work it out for me. I feed him, or he screams, or whatever. That part isn't the point. He eventually goes back to sleep, and I don't. See, insomnia is a part of fibro, too. So the last three nights, when Robbie has woken up, he's gone right back to sleep, but I haven't.

I'm exhausted, and I don't see where the end comes. I don't see where I'm gonna get rest, and I'm trying not to be overwhelmed, but I am. It makes me feel panicky. I know that God is with me and is helping me and if it weren't for Him I cannot IMAGINE the shape I'd be in. But here I am. And I'm tired, and I want sleep. And I can't seem to get it.

So there it is. My whine. If you read it, thanks. Some extra prayers my way would be greatly appreciated.

My alarm just went off. I'm far from thrilled! :) TGIF, right?!


Judy said...

Oh girl! I am so sorry you are going through all of that! The overwhelmingness, the sleeplessness, the stress, the fatigue, all of it! Get some rest this weekend...even if you don't think you have time to rest - YOU DO! Take a moment for yourself and REST! It will be good for all of you. ;-)

misguided mommy said...

So fine. I've posted the most embarrassing story of my life. And I promise not a single person on here can top it!