Take a Fresh Look

This was in the September '09 Guideposts Magazine. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

How do you see yourself? You might say,"I'm not the creative type. I'm a business person. I'm good with numbers." or "I'm a teacher, not an entrepreneur." There's a certain comfort in holding on to the identity that's defined you for years. But when change happens, what God is asking you to do is go with the change.

Step away from the labels you put on yourself. They limit your thinking. They don't let you see the possibilities God sees for you....Is there something you've told yourself you can't do? Well, why not?

Look at what you're going through right now--whether it's a job loss or a change in a relationship or a new life stage--as an opportunity. You're being given the change to see yourself differently, to develop more courage, more resiliency, more faith...whatever you need to make the most of your life's journey.

--Ariane de Bonvoisin is the founder of first30days.com and author of The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier, now available in paperback.

We survived, and other good news!

The first day is done! We all survived with very little damage!

I dropped the boys off early and walked them to their rooms where they deposited their bags. Then I walked the to the cafeteria and choked up as I told them goodbye and that I loved them. I know this wouldn't have been nearly as difficult had I not been leaving the building to go to another school! But I did it, and it will get easier from here on out, I'm sure.

Both boys had a great day! They were competing to tell me about things that they did or saw or said on the way home. I helped out in Kindergarten all day, and am again grateful that I was never asked to be a Kindergarten teacher. Even though it wasn't MY classroom, I still came home exhausted! My hat is off to those of you who teach Kindys day in and day out!!

Chris had a somewhat stressful day, but it was nothing he can't handle. He and the boys have gone to TaeKwonDo to release some energy and get some exercise while I stayed home for a while hoping that the OTHER good news would be delivered!

AND IT WAS! Check out what I got from my new best friend, the FedEx man!



SQEEEEEEEEEE!! He tried to deliver it on Thursday and Friday--Murphy's law that it was the first week I wasn't home all day, every day--my new vacuum! I can't wait to give it a spin!! And another shout-out and THANK YOU to the lovely ladies from whom I won it--the Wii Mommies!

All in all, it was a pretty good day!!

Today's the big day!

Wish me luck! Off to take my boys to their school...Adam's first day of Kindergarten...and then to help out in another teacher's Kindergarten classroom at one of my schools. I'm fighting tears, and really hoping I don't throw up!

Hopefully, with God's help, I'll be back this afternoon to tell you how it went wonderfully and it wasn't that big of a deal! :)

Fingers crossed and prayers welcome...

The multiple reason that I'm freaking out

If I can laugh about it, it helps, right?!

1. I'm all torn up about the fact that my baby is very obviously not a baby anymore and is going to Kindergarten. I have sat and cried,"I don't want to go backwards, I don't want another baby, so why am I crying over this??!" Never did I think it was gonna be this hard, and it isn't HIM, it is ME! I think that the following have everything to do with why I'm having a hard time....

2. I've gone back up to the boys' school--my former workplace--twice over the past week or so. The first time, I cried after I left the building. The second time, I didn't cry, but even thinking about heading down the hall where I taught for 12 years brings fresh tears. I feel like I don't really 'fit' anywhere right now, cause I don't know my new coworkers, but I don't feel as though I'm part of my former faculty either. It is a very lonely place, actually.

3. My oldest nephew is leaving for college Wednesday. This is the child of my oldest sister, so I worry about and feel for her, too! Though he's not going far away to school, and I'll be on campus myself once a week starting Sept. 1, it is just a big change, yk? Every time I think about how Adam going to school is affecting me, I think about how much harder it must be for Bren! I'm THRILLED for him and so excited that he's gonna be experiencing the same college as we did because we all loved it so much, and hope that he does as well!

4. I've been having my bout with insomnia again this week. I *think* that I've figured out a pattern that it happens approximately every 2 months. I'm gonna try to better document when it is happening to see if I'm right. So sleep deprivation is contributing for sure.

5. Going back to work is always hard.

OK, well that should about do it for today! LOL

I'd been trying to hold it together

and was really doing well, but man....you can only hold all your emotions in for so long, ya know?? It all came pouring out last night and this morning. I started thinking about how when Isaac graduated preschool, I was excited because that meant that I'd get to spend more time with him knowing he'd be at school WITH me....and then I started mourning that I won't have that time with Adam. I know that God has ordained this, and that He wouldn't ever do anything to hurt me, but the human part of me is just sad! That, and the fact that I'm leaving what truly feels like a family to me in my coworkers....this is just HARD! I can't get torn up at work, I try not to get torn up in front of the boys, but this HAS to come out. It is natural to feel this way, and it is unhealthy for me to just keep it all bottled in. It hurts! Given the times I've had to move and change schools, I've gotten spoiled being at one school for so long. I abhor packing. It truly is TORTURE to me. I HATE it. Now I'm having to part with so much stuff that I have put 12 years of time and energy into gathering in addition to packing up.

So I guess you could say I've allowed myself to have today to just be down and cry if I feel like it. I know that it is going to be okay. I know that I will make new friends. I know that the boys will be just fine without me. But today, I'm gonna just be sad anyway!