Sunday, May 17, 2009

I'd been trying to hold it together

and was really doing well, but can only hold all your emotions in for so long, ya know?? It all came pouring out last night and this morning. I started thinking about how when Isaac graduated preschool, I was excited because that meant that I'd get to spend more time with him knowing he'd be at school WITH me....and then I started mourning that I won't have that time with Adam. I know that God has ordained this, and that He wouldn't ever do anything to hurt me, but the human part of me is just sad! That, and the fact that I'm leaving what truly feels like a family to me in my coworkers....this is just HARD! I can't get torn up at work, I try not to get torn up in front of the boys, but this HAS to come out. It is natural to feel this way, and it is unhealthy for me to just keep it all bottled in. It hurts! Given the times I've had to move and change schools, I've gotten spoiled being at one school for so long. I abhor packing. It truly is TORTURE to me. I HATE it. Now I'm having to part with so much stuff that I have put 12 years of time and energy into gathering in addition to packing up.

So I guess you could say I've allowed myself to have today to just be down and cry if I feel like it. I know that it is going to be okay. I know that I will make new friends. I know that the boys will be just fine without me. But today, I'm gonna just be sad anyway!


Mel said...

i am sorry you are having a rough time!!! sometimes even good change stinks.

Lisa B. said...

I'm sorry that this change has made you sad. I have hardly seen you this week, but I promise when I do see you I WON'T ask about it for fear of both us tearing up! LOL I love you and this will be GREAT for you. Just keep in mind that when God opens a door you aren't always going to know what wonderful things await you on the other side.