I found a book the other day when I was listening to our choir practice but wasn't feeling well enough to sing myself. I found several good things in there that spoke to me, and I thought I'd share in case anyone out there is struggling with the same type things I am. It also gives me a chance to save them and look back on them later on, to see if I've made any improvements.
The book, by the way, is The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents by Melody Beattie. Here is a link to it on Amazon if you'd like to see more or buy it for yourself or a loved one!
"There's a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use," said one recovering woman. "The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing."
It's imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.
Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry or defensive. Then we feel guilty.
Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other people's best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.
We don't have to let others count on the fact that we'll always feel guilty. We don't have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt--earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self-care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another's issues from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.
Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side.