Thursday, July 17, 2008

Having a rough time today

Josh's funeral was last night. I didn't stay for the actual service because I had plans to meet a friend from out of town, but I did go by the visitation. Adam and I (yes, had to take him along, and he behaved very nicely) stood in line for over an hour, and there were TONS of people lined up behind us. I held it together pretty well. I am very glad that I was to meet our friends for a nice visit afterwards so I couldn't dwell on the sadness.

I didn't sleep as well last night, though. I kept dreaming about him and waking up. See, one of my defense mechanisms has always been sleep. If I'm really upset, I feel better after I sleep. If I'm depressed, I sleep. If I have an anxiety attack, I get sleepy. So being really sleepy today is part of me dealing with this. I am with the boys on my own today, as Chris drove the church van to take kids to day camp and then went to work at his school since it is on the same side of the county.

I'm supposed to go to a pool party/get together with people from work this afternoon, but I really don't feel up to it. Part of me knows that I'd probably feel better if I did, but honestly...I want to stay home and allow myself to grieve and do some things around here.

We did some 'school work' this morning, and I am still (for days now) working on seeing if I can find the grade level equivalent for books we have here in the house. Sometimes I'm wondering why I started this project, but hey, it is distracting. I also really need to study, but the areas that I really need to work on are math, and Chris is a big help on those, so......probably gonna put that off til this evening. I need to go outside and hose off the pool cover for the little above ground pool we finally filled up, and I think I'll let them get in it if we don't go to E's house. Now, will someone please give me permission to stay home??!

One more thing, I have this round rash of some sort on my backside. I'm not sure what it is. I put cortizone cream on it this morning, and it hasn't itched as much. It seems to have a clearer spot in the middle. I'm in no great hurry to go show my bum to a doctor, so if anyone has any great suggestions then I'll take 'em!

I know I said one more, but it was really two more...
for lunch, we're crafting some pop art pizza that I bought a kit for back in the spring. I'll try to take pics and let you know how it turns out!


Judy said...

Christi - big hugs to you. If you need to stay home, then by all means, stay home. But, if being around other people might help you see the beauty of today a bit better, even in all the grief, then go to the pool party. Even if it seems to be the last thing you want to do.

Josh seems like he was the kind of person who genuinely enjoyed life and everything that came with it. He'd probably want you to do the same.


Kimber said...