It gets frustrating to have plans, and then be hit out of the blue by some physical symptom that leaves you not feeling like doing what you'd planned. I HAVE to go on during the school year, but when I didn't HAVE to go work at one of my schools today, I had to change the plans I'd shared with my 5 year old. He was disappointed, but with stomach cramps and runs to the restroom, I just didn't feel as though it was the most opportune of times to go try to get some work done. Then in comes Isaac from a day filled with fun at day camp, upset because I now say that we might not make it to the local slushie seller.
Yes, it makes me feel like crap to let them down. But you know what? I never asked for this crap called fibromyalgia. I didn't ask to fight anxiety, depression, pain, irritable bowel, and insomnia. I didn't want to feel like I'm 80 some days at 36.
Some days the logic in me flies away and I want to scream, "Why me?? What did I do to deserve this??" It was hard enough dealing with the depression from the age of 15 or 16. Add the rest of the crud to it and it is just NOT fun. Today, it is my elbows. Who has ELBOWS that hurt?? What in the world?? I cannot imagine how I might have strained my freakin' ELBOWS! It is insane.
When I've stood on my feet all day and they hurt, I get it. When I have pain due to lack of movement or stress, I get it. But what has brought this on today? Worrying about something? Nothing? The air being cooler than normal? Who freakin' knows?!
I try not to fuss. I am trying to improve my health by getting rid of bad habits and eating better and exercise, and by stopping when I feel my limits being reached. It is when I am doing those things and I STILL hurt that I start to get frustrated. It just stinks!
Love Chris' heart, his solution is to send me to the doctor. I went yesterday for a med check. There is nothing more they can do. I have to break down and take more meds even though they sometimes make me feel loopy, and otherwise I just have to tough it out. There's nothing more to do. I guess for a man, who just wants to fix his wife's problems, that is very frustrating too. I am so blessed to have him. I folded and sorted several loads of clothes today--yes, I'll readily admit I've been putting it off--and he put them away so I could play with (read: entertain) Adam since Isaac was gone to camp today. He's a sweetheart!
This isn't even what I was blogging about earlier today. But maybe that is what has contributed, me fighting that struggle. I don't know. Whatever it is, I just wish it would GO AWAY!
Until a better day and a better mood.....